When he asks, you say YES.

This is the kind of garbage that passes for t.v. these days. I preface the following remarks by saying, ordinarily I scoff at this sort of drivel but as I've gotten older I've learned that women and men are.... wait for it.... different. Whoa. Believe it. Any mom or dad of a 4 year old can tell you that OR, just go talk to your grandparents for 5 minutes and while you do, use that new-age, men-can-bake-and-clean/women-are-the-new-men treatise as a coaster and feel free to spill whatever it is your drinking.

B.E.T. the other night runs a show - a sitcom - and I run across it. A pregnant woman is talking to her boyfriend in the scene - granted, I didn't see the whole show - however, let's examine the scene I did see. She's pregnant and he's asking her to marry him - really asking, sincerely, with a ring AND EVERYTHING. She looks at him and sighs. And then says "Darrel! (or whatever his name was), just because you're wrapped up in the moment, you can't ask me to marry you! (paraphrasing)."

Here is a woman, pregnant, unmarried, about single. Ladies, in 1955 this was grounds for contemplating suicide. Today, its grounds for refusing marriage on a whim. Why does no one explain this anymore? Because Hollywood women with millions of dollars at their disposal hire 4 nannies while they shoot their new film in Maui? Because the stud has a few - marked, a FEW - bucks and it's no big deal because you'll nail him for child support and go shopping for "true" love? Someone who really "gets" you, someone who doesn't have to ask you what you're thinking because you're "connected?"

For those of you that missed 8th grade health class, the baby inside of you comes out and DEMANDS your attention and milk and needs to be burped/changed/fed/nursed/put down/picked-up every 15 seconds, or so it will seem. You will not work (at least not well, if you do work), and you will need MONEY for food, baby supplies (read $$$$), shelter and will need endless amounts of help, encouragement, and support. ALSO, your baby forms bonds and attachments with its father nearly from birth. So sticking DAD on the SHELF and shopping for a replacement or for a new one is pretty much a terrible idea from DAY 1 - that means other kids will grow up healthier and more stable as they have fathers who are there (and screwing up left and right, but there nonetheless).

Not to mention, YOU, honey will be a mess - an understandable mess (hey, kids don't come with instructions stamped on their butt), worrying and running about raising Hell and trying to figure things out. You won't look so hot, you won't feel so hot and you won't have ANY time or ANY money. In short, YOU NEED HIM. And this LUNATIC will stick around and spend his money on you and baby instead of speakers because he loves you - you have to love a woman to put up with her unstable, unending, nagging, pleading, complaining, obsecene anxiety attacks that child rearing causes (again, understadably) - this on top of any faults you already have. He'll be woken up every 2 hours and then at dawn he'll be driven (flee?) from the house to work, work, work for the money to feed baby what baby just spit up. He'll solve problems all day to come home to you demanding he solve problems he couldn't possibly have any idea how to solve ("...the baby won't eat! WHY, DAMMIT, WHY!?!?!?!?").

In short, you and baby are his new Hell. And 30 minutes of happiness here and there will make it all worthwhile for him (pretty cheap babysitter/lover if you ask me). So honey? SHUTUP. SHUT THE HELL UP and say yes when he's on one knee. Then smile and cry. THAT'S YOUR PART. GET IT? He spent all his money on a ring and he's promising to try as hard as he can. Honey, unless your 22, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET A BETTER OFFER IN ALL LIKLIHOOD. TAKE IT. With all due respect, TAKE IT, you dumbass. All the other girls have imperfect men as well and many are DELUDED enough to think they're going to upgrade to a "better" man at the age of 25 27, 29, 32, etc. THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS. Kind of suck? Not the fairytale? Not what you expected? Welcome to Reality. Want to be stuck in single parent purgatory? Want to shop for men with someone else's baby at home (yes, it belongs to both of you, but that doesn't matter, the baby won't belong to the new guy, whoever he is, and new guy wants to start with a fresh slate, No, he doesn't owe it to you to deal with a baby he didn't make)?

Now chances are YOUR MOTHER, if she's not a train-wreck too, knows all this. And she's pleading with you to be sensible and think about your baby, think about the future and for chrissake HAVE A LITTLE FAITH, cuz guess what? YOUR DAD WAS PROBABLY JUST LIKE THE DUFUS YOU CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE STUCK WITH. Only not quite so bad, as back in the day men were prepared and they walked around like they were supposed to take care of things and make command decisions because THAT'S HOW THEIR FATHER'S RAISED THEM. But since the new-age, neo-liberal God-replacements took over, men are dazed and confused and the women are frustrated and working at developing careers to support THEIR MEN.

Do yourself a favor. Get a good guy and cook something for him to eat. Have sex with him and don't complain. He'll give baby and you all his money, and give you breaks to go out and teach your daughter or son what a man is supposed to do: take care of his family. He'll fix things mechanical and teach your kids that mom's birthdy is A VERY BIG DEAL. He's trying to help you and do right by you. LET HIM. Help him help you. He wants to. And for chissake, don't argue with him when he's on that damn single knee of his. The floor is hard and it hurts his kneecap. That knee is for you and baby and trust me sister, it don't go down very often. Just smile and cry. Its a short part. Its not easy to forget. Bring a script if you must.

Its as easy as it sounds. Quit thinking, put down that cosmo article that's telling you women at 38 get young, hot guys just like your Sex and City show and do it. Then you can look at your girlfriends and recoil in shock and horror as they debate, at the age of 29, whether or not their baby's father is romantic enough to marry.