Wednesday, June 9, 2010
An Outfit With a Purpose
There is a big flare up over Venus Williams outfit at the French Open. And really, there should be. I am all about Freedom. Freedom for everyone, no matter how much I hate them or what they're saying or doing. Even in France. On the tennis court. However, Venus's outfit was basically over-sized lingerie with a very slight emphasis on "over-sized." It was over-sized like a slightly large hat is over-sized. Buttressing the lingerie-like mini-skirt (which many tennis women have been wearing versions of for years), was the skin-toned mini-shorts she had on underneath (for those of you who don't know, they are a tight-fitting over-underwear boy-shorts type of clothing that prevents you from getting the full-Monty when the women serve, or jump or otherwise cause the mini-skirt to fly up.) When Venus served and bent over, the skirt flew up and with the skin-toned shorts on, you could swear that you were seeing her ass and.... Mr. Felix himself, if you catch my drift. I mean, you know it was risque when even the French were appalled. Those people invented menage-a-trios.
So what gives? Does Venus have bad taste? She does design clothes after all - she has her own label. She has some idea of fashion, right? So maybe it was a "fashion statement?" Maybe she's making a social statement that women's bodies are beautiful and that exposing them is also beautiful and that men should learn to live with that, or some such drivel - right? I mean Venus herself, when asked (in the tone of a flattered full-figured school girl) said that "skin is beautiful." So that's it? Nope, nope, and nope.
Again, as nearly always, science knows the answer. We are animals, as I've said a million times before and will say a million times again. The skirt got attention. Lots of it. Sexually-slanted attention. Venus has always had a great figure and has, like many women, been very, very conscious of her clothing for years. So now this woman is intentionally drawing attention to herself based on clothing she knew was sexual in nature. Hmmmmmm.
But I love how people think its some kind of artistic accident and that Venus could not possibly be INTENTIONALLY drawing sexual attention to herself ON PURPOSE. Yes, its for a purpose. The purpose is sex and the purpose of sex is procreation. BABIES people. BABIES.
Venus will be 30 years old in a week or so. Women hit their sexual peak in their early 30s. Why? Birth defects skyrocket for children had by women over the age of 30. Women are able to reproduce by the early age of 13. Seems like mother nature has a window in mind for you ladies (and she doesn't care if grad school gets in the way). You see mother nature wants you to procreate at a YOUNG age, because she wants HEALTHY OFFSPRING THAT WILL SURVIVE. Venus has no kids. Mother nature is hormonally reminding her that she is running out of time. Your hormones dictate what you do (yes, I hate it as much as you do). Funny how young men are belittled and beaten down over acting the way their hormones dictate, but when a woman does it, there are loads of excuses. Venus wants babies. PERIOD. Her body wants them at least, I'm not sure what her opinion on the matter is, but wearing such outfits gets her a lot of sexual attention. The attention of men who want to have sex. One sex-ready partner plus another equals YAHTZEE. This is Venus's intention. She's advertising. When women advertise, sometimes its just for attention. They want to bond, they want to mate. In this case? Its for sex people. SEX. She could be a little more subtle, but subtle doesn't really work all that well in the animal kingdom and we are all animals. Men respond to overt physical and visual stimulus. Venus is a smart, smart woman and she's dialing up the sex appeal to get men's attention. The more attention she gets, the more discriminating she can be in choosing a mate. She knows men want sex - she wants a baby. A little negotiating on the terms is all that's left to do.
Risque? Yes.
Confusing? Just to people who aren't familiar with that guy named Darwin.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
To Sum Up
Basically, the massive wave of sex-first modern media has made nearly every woman a walking, talking anxiety attack (men aren't much better, but are much less sensitive by nature).
Welcome to Hell.
* The rate of Americans who use anti-depressants has doubled since 1996. [In 14 freaking years the RATE has doubled?!?!!?]
* Women are 2 times more likely to use anti-depressants than men.
* Antidepressants are most commonly prescribed for adults between the ages of 50 and 64.
* Roughly 18.8 million US citizens are suffering the effects of depressive and anxiety disorders.
* As many as 4% of preschoolers are now considered to be clinically depressed and are being given anti-depressants for treatment.
* While it’s thought that anti-depressants help by helping to regulate the level of serotonin and other chemicals in the brain, the truth is the reason these drugs work isn’t actually clearly defined.
* Children and adolescents who take anti-depressants are more prone to suicidal and depressive thinking.
* Eating Disorders can and often are, treated with anti-depressants.
* People under the age of 24 are most likely to experience suicidal thoughts while on anti-depressants.
http://www.anti-depressant.org/2010/01/interesting-statistics-and-facts-about-anti-depressant-use-in-the-us.html
- Adult use of antidepressants almost tripled between 1988-1994 and 1999-2000.
- Ten percent of women 18 and older and 4 percent of men now take antidepressants.
[Ten bleeping percent? Are you out of your mind? That's an astounding percentage. Starting at 18? That sounds great. What exactly could be so wrong with an otherwise perfectly healthy 18 year old girl? What caused it? Let me guess, it has something to do with half-naked women splashed EVERYWHERE and the hyper-attention paid to their bodies? Just a hunch.]
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/04news/hus04.htm
Almost Half of Americans Use at Least One Prescription Drug Annual Report on Nation's Health Shows
Welcome to Hell.
* The rate of Americans who use anti-depressants has doubled since 1996. [In 14 freaking years the RATE has doubled?!?!!?]
* Women are 2 times more likely to use anti-depressants than men.
* Antidepressants are most commonly prescribed for adults between the ages of 50 and 64.
* Roughly 18.8 million US citizens are suffering the effects of depressive and anxiety disorders.
* As many as 4% of preschoolers are now considered to be clinically depressed and are being given anti-depressants for treatment.
* While it’s thought that anti-depressants help by helping to regulate the level of serotonin and other chemicals in the brain, the truth is the reason these drugs work isn’t actually clearly defined.
* Children and adolescents who take anti-depressants are more prone to suicidal and depressive thinking.
* Eating Disorders can and often are, treated with anti-depressants.
* People under the age of 24 are most likely to experience suicidal thoughts while on anti-depressants.
http://www.anti-depressant.org/2010/01/interesting-statistics-and-facts-about-anti-depressant-use-in-the-us.html
- Adult use of antidepressants almost tripled between 1988-1994 and 1999-2000.
- Ten percent of women 18 and older and 4 percent of men now take antidepressants.
[Ten bleeping percent? Are you out of your mind? That's an astounding percentage. Starting at 18? That sounds great. What exactly could be so wrong with an otherwise perfectly healthy 18 year old girl? What caused it? Let me guess, it has something to do with half-naked women splashed EVERYWHERE and the hyper-attention paid to their bodies? Just a hunch.]
http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/04news/hus04.htm
Almost Half of Americans Use at Least One Prescription Drug Annual Report on Nation's Health Shows
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Women Yurn for the Old Days Too
"F*ck and Run" by Liz Phair
I woke up alarmed
I didn't know where I was at first
Just that I woke up in your arms
And almost immediately I felt sorry
'Cause I didn't think this would happen again
No matter what I could do or say
Just that I didn't think this would happen again
With or without my best intentions
And whatever happened to a boyfriend
The kind of guy who tries to win you over?
And whatever happened to a boyfriend
The kind of guy who makes love 'cause he's in it?
And I want a boyfriend
I want a boyfriend
I want all that boring old shit like letters and sodas
Letters and sodas
You got up out of bed
You said you had a lot of work to do
But I heard the rest in your head
And almost immediately I felt sorry
'Cause I didn't think this would happen again
No matter what I could do or say
Just that I didn't think this would happen again
With or without my best intentions
And I want a boyfriend
I want a boyfriend
I want all that stupid old shit like letters and sodas
And I can feel it in my bones
I'm gonna spend another year alone
It's fuck and run, fuck and run
Even when I was seventeen
Fuck and run, fuck and run
Even when I was twelve
And I can feel it in my bones
I'm gonna spend my whole life alone
It's fuck and run, fuck and run
Even when I was seventeen
Fuck and run, fuck and run
Even when I was twelve
You almost felt bad
You said that I should call you up
But I knew much better than that
And almost immediately you felt sorry
'Cause you didn't think this would happen again
No matter what you could do or say
Just that you didn't think this would happen again
Without or without your best intentions
And whatever happened to a girlfriend
The kind of chick who tries to win you over?
And whatever happened to a girlfriend
The kind of chick who makes love 'cause she's in it?
And you want a girlfriend
You want a girlfriend
You want all that boring old shit like letters and sodas
Letters and sodas
Letters and sodas
Letters and sodas
I woke up alarmed
I didn't know where I was at first
Just that I woke up in your arms
And almost immediately I felt sorry
'Cause I didn't think this would happen again
No matter what I could do or say
Just that I didn't think this would happen again
With or without my best intentions
And whatever happened to a boyfriend
The kind of guy who tries to win you over?
And whatever happened to a boyfriend
The kind of guy who makes love 'cause he's in it?
And I want a boyfriend
I want a boyfriend
I want all that boring old shit like letters and sodas
Letters and sodas
You got up out of bed
You said you had a lot of work to do
But I heard the rest in your head
And almost immediately I felt sorry
'Cause I didn't think this would happen again
No matter what I could do or say
Just that I didn't think this would happen again
With or without my best intentions
And I want a boyfriend
I want a boyfriend
I want all that stupid old shit like letters and sodas
And I can feel it in my bones
I'm gonna spend another year alone
It's fuck and run, fuck and run
Even when I was seventeen
Fuck and run, fuck and run
Even when I was twelve
And I can feel it in my bones
I'm gonna spend my whole life alone
It's fuck and run, fuck and run
Even when I was seventeen
Fuck and run, fuck and run
Even when I was twelve
You almost felt bad
You said that I should call you up
But I knew much better than that
And almost immediately you felt sorry
'Cause you didn't think this would happen again
No matter what you could do or say
Just that you didn't think this would happen again
Without or without your best intentions
And whatever happened to a girlfriend
The kind of chick who tries to win you over?
And whatever happened to a girlfriend
The kind of chick who makes love 'cause she's in it?
And you want a girlfriend
You want a girlfriend
You want all that boring old shit like letters and sodas
Letters and sodas
Letters and sodas
Letters and sodas
Thursday, April 1, 2010
In Defense of Female 'Bimbos'
This has gone on for long enough. For too long I have heard the lesser intelligent, above-average looking female class demeaned, mocked, jeered and loudly insulted by men and women alike (but mostly women). I am no champion of the dim-witted dear who has spent 3 hours between hair, make-up and shoes for a ride to the Burrito shop, but I think it has all gone too far. And whats more I think many women could learn a thing or two from the "bimbo" crowd. They're not as dumb as they seem you see.
First, let us define the bimbo. She is preferrably blond, but any color will do, with very high heels, trim to shapely, typically very done-up with hair overly styled and every toe painted and polished to a gleaming shine. She hasn't read a politically-aimed literary work her entire life and she knows the names of every actor and actress ever born. She can recite Maybeline colors like an ambulance-chasing lawyer can recite the bill of rights. She is generally unthinking in matters of global and or national significance and she doesn't really want to know much beyond what applies to her, her husband and her children in the immediate 3-5 years - or days, depending. In short she ignores what seems to be the most important aspects of life and cares little to debate what we ought to do about the power structure's neglect of the civil population, environment or immigration.
But that's not to say she's worthless, pathetic or disabused. No, dear friend. No, indeed. She is quite sly if you ask me. She is like the cunning salesmen who ignores the techno-speak about the product his competitor's are pitching and makes the client feel good with a rum-bowl and leggy blondes. You see, the bimbo knows what counts. She has no time to suffer fools. She has no time for matters which are ultimately non sequiturs. She sees men. She watches their eyes, their actions, their movements. She thinks last, and feels first. But she senses and she feels and she does them both very, very well. She knows what sells. She is a woman and she wants children with a handsome man who can provide. And when the chips are down, what do men choose? The ugly truth is that they want a young, sexy, female with which to have sex with - and they usually wind up marrying one. Men one day learn that they and women are different and on the list of things they can live without, a sexy figure and attention to appearance always make the cut. The 'bimbo' knows this and that's where she places her bets.
Speaking for men, if I may for a moment - we'd like both - we'd like our Ph.d. wrapped in Pamela Anderson's exterior, but that's just not possible and moreover its futile to search for. So you either take the girl next door in her plain shape and package or else you make sure you can live on vapid, relatively common conversation with a sexy wife. And with a little practice, you'd be amazed how one can get by with that. Do we want inane conversation? No. But if the woman is even modestely intelligent, nay, educated and will listen to reason or listen to our diatribes on this or that, that very well may be close enough. Men are aggressive animals and they want a sexy woman. Period. The truth is indeed ugly. Brilliant and famous men are often found with statuesque models. Why? Because they're men first and idealogues second. Sex sells, ladies and gentlemen, for better or for worse. And if his playmate is a bit conservative, wants to get and stay married, and wants him to make the command decisions? Then we have a deal. It sounds like she's promising to play the role of woman and gasp, we get to play the role of the man - a man's man. Its the only role we are confident playing anyway.
Many a cerebral woman has crossed my path and they would all have me drawn and quartered for what I am suggesting, but guess what? Those women are more bitter and cynical than anything else - and for that I do not blame them. But they also come to accept what we all as animals must... the pecking order. The alpha males pick the hottest females and the rest of us fall into line. We do not pick the hottest or most intelligent mate that we may have wanted, but the mate we select sacrifices a bit as we do and having a mate is better than having none at all. Reliable access to sex, companionship, friendship, romance, understanding and compassion are things happy people all have in common.
So the next time you see the 'bimbo' do not pity her, for she is not stupid. In fact, she cuts through the fluff faster than many of us so called 'smart' folks. She's comfortable with being what she is and nothing more. And happiness is a simple choice, after all. Perhaps we should all think a little less and embrace her simplicity of thought, even if we don't completely adopt the rest of her.
First, let us define the bimbo. She is preferrably blond, but any color will do, with very high heels, trim to shapely, typically very done-up with hair overly styled and every toe painted and polished to a gleaming shine. She hasn't read a politically-aimed literary work her entire life and she knows the names of every actor and actress ever born. She can recite Maybeline colors like an ambulance-chasing lawyer can recite the bill of rights. She is generally unthinking in matters of global and or national significance and she doesn't really want to know much beyond what applies to her, her husband and her children in the immediate 3-5 years - or days, depending. In short she ignores what seems to be the most important aspects of life and cares little to debate what we ought to do about the power structure's neglect of the civil population, environment or immigration.
But that's not to say she's worthless, pathetic or disabused. No, dear friend. No, indeed. She is quite sly if you ask me. She is like the cunning salesmen who ignores the techno-speak about the product his competitor's are pitching and makes the client feel good with a rum-bowl and leggy blondes. You see, the bimbo knows what counts. She has no time to suffer fools. She has no time for matters which are ultimately non sequiturs. She sees men. She watches their eyes, their actions, their movements. She thinks last, and feels first. But she senses and she feels and she does them both very, very well. She knows what sells. She is a woman and she wants children with a handsome man who can provide. And when the chips are down, what do men choose? The ugly truth is that they want a young, sexy, female with which to have sex with - and they usually wind up marrying one. Men one day learn that they and women are different and on the list of things they can live without, a sexy figure and attention to appearance always make the cut. The 'bimbo' knows this and that's where she places her bets.
Speaking for men, if I may for a moment - we'd like both - we'd like our Ph.d. wrapped in Pamela Anderson's exterior, but that's just not possible and moreover its futile to search for. So you either take the girl next door in her plain shape and package or else you make sure you can live on vapid, relatively common conversation with a sexy wife. And with a little practice, you'd be amazed how one can get by with that. Do we want inane conversation? No. But if the woman is even modestely intelligent, nay, educated and will listen to reason or listen to our diatribes on this or that, that very well may be close enough. Men are aggressive animals and they want a sexy woman. Period. The truth is indeed ugly. Brilliant and famous men are often found with statuesque models. Why? Because they're men first and idealogues second. Sex sells, ladies and gentlemen, for better or for worse. And if his playmate is a bit conservative, wants to get and stay married, and wants him to make the command decisions? Then we have a deal. It sounds like she's promising to play the role of woman and gasp, we get to play the role of the man - a man's man. Its the only role we are confident playing anyway.
Many a cerebral woman has crossed my path and they would all have me drawn and quartered for what I am suggesting, but guess what? Those women are more bitter and cynical than anything else - and for that I do not blame them. But they also come to accept what we all as animals must... the pecking order. The alpha males pick the hottest females and the rest of us fall into line. We do not pick the hottest or most intelligent mate that we may have wanted, but the mate we select sacrifices a bit as we do and having a mate is better than having none at all. Reliable access to sex, companionship, friendship, romance, understanding and compassion are things happy people all have in common.
So the next time you see the 'bimbo' do not pity her, for she is not stupid. In fact, she cuts through the fluff faster than many of us so called 'smart' folks. She's comfortable with being what she is and nothing more. And happiness is a simple choice, after all. Perhaps we should all think a little less and embrace her simplicity of thought, even if we don't completely adopt the rest of her.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
When he asks, you say YES.
This is the kind of garbage that passes for t.v. these days. I preface the following remarks by saying, ordinarily I scoff at this sort of drivel but as I've gotten older I've learned that women and men are.... wait for it.... different. Whoa. Believe it. Any mom or dad of a 4 year old can tell you that OR, just go talk to your grandparents for 5 minutes and while you do, use that new-age, men-can-bake-and-clean/women-are-the-new-men treatise as a coaster and feel free to spill whatever it is your drinking.
B.E.T. the other night runs a show - a sitcom - and I run across it. A pregnant woman is talking to her boyfriend in the scene - granted, I didn't see the whole show - however, let's examine the scene I did see. She's pregnant and he's asking her to marry him - really asking, sincerely, with a ring AND EVERYTHING. She looks at him and sighs. And then says "Darrel! (or whatever his name was), just because you're wrapped up in the moment, you can't ask me to marry you! (paraphrasing)."
Here is a woman, pregnant, unmarried, about single. Ladies, in 1955 this was grounds for contemplating suicide. Today, its grounds for refusing marriage on a whim. Why does no one explain this anymore? Because Hollywood women with millions of dollars at their disposal hire 4 nannies while they shoot their new film in Maui? Because the stud has a few - marked, a FEW - bucks and it's no big deal because you'll nail him for child support and go shopping for "true" love? Someone who really "gets" you, someone who doesn't have to ask you what you're thinking because you're "connected?"
For those of you that missed 8th grade health class, the baby inside of you comes out and DEMANDS your attention and milk and needs to be burped/changed/fed/nursed/put down/picked-up every 15 seconds, or so it will seem. You will not work (at least not well, if you do work), and you will need MONEY for food, baby supplies (read $$$$), shelter and will need endless amounts of help, encouragement, and support. ALSO, your baby forms bonds and attachments with its father nearly from birth. So sticking DAD on the SHELF and shopping for a replacement or for a new one is pretty much a terrible idea from DAY 1 - that means other kids will grow up healthier and more stable as they have fathers who are there (and screwing up left and right, but there nonetheless).
Not to mention, YOU, honey will be a mess - an understandable mess (hey, kids don't come with instructions stamped on their butt), worrying and running about raising Hell and trying to figure things out. You won't look so hot, you won't feel so hot and you won't have ANY time or ANY money. In short, YOU NEED HIM. And this LUNATIC will stick around and spend his money on you and baby instead of speakers because he loves you - you have to love a woman to put up with her unstable, unending, nagging, pleading, complaining, obsecene anxiety attacks that child rearing causes (again, understadably) - this on top of any faults you already have. He'll be woken up every 2 hours and then at dawn he'll be driven (flee?) from the house to work, work, work for the money to feed baby what baby just spit up. He'll solve problems all day to come home to you demanding he solve problems he couldn't possibly have any idea how to solve ("...the baby won't eat! WHY, DAMMIT, WHY!?!?!?!?").
In short, you and baby are his new Hell. And 30 minutes of happiness here and there will make it all worthwhile for him (pretty cheap babysitter/lover if you ask me). So honey? SHUTUP. SHUT THE HELL UP and say yes when he's on one knee. Then smile and cry. THAT'S YOUR PART. GET IT? He spent all his money on a ring and he's promising to try as hard as he can. Honey, unless your 22, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET A BETTER OFFER IN ALL LIKLIHOOD. TAKE IT. With all due respect, TAKE IT, you dumbass. All the other girls have imperfect men as well and many are DELUDED enough to think they're going to upgrade to a "better" man at the age of 25 27, 29, 32, etc. THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS. Kind of suck? Not the fairytale? Not what you expected? Welcome to Reality. Want to be stuck in single parent purgatory? Want to shop for men with someone else's baby at home (yes, it belongs to both of you, but that doesn't matter, the baby won't belong to the new guy, whoever he is, and new guy wants to start with a fresh slate, No, he doesn't owe it to you to deal with a baby he didn't make)?
Now chances are YOUR MOTHER, if she's not a train-wreck too, knows all this. And she's pleading with you to be sensible and think about your baby, think about the future and for chrissake HAVE A LITTLE FAITH, cuz guess what? YOUR DAD WAS PROBABLY JUST LIKE THE DUFUS YOU CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE STUCK WITH. Only not quite so bad, as back in the day men were prepared and they walked around like they were supposed to take care of things and make command decisions because THAT'S HOW THEIR FATHER'S RAISED THEM. But since the new-age, neo-liberal God-replacements took over, men are dazed and confused and the women are frustrated and working at developing careers to support THEIR MEN.
Do yourself a favor. Get a good guy and cook something for him to eat. Have sex with him and don't complain. He'll give baby and you all his money, and give you breaks to go out and teach your daughter or son what a man is supposed to do: take care of his family. He'll fix things mechanical and teach your kids that mom's birthdy is A VERY BIG DEAL. He's trying to help you and do right by you. LET HIM. Help him help you. He wants to. And for chissake, don't argue with him when he's on that damn single knee of his. The floor is hard and it hurts his kneecap. That knee is for you and baby and trust me sister, it don't go down very often. Just smile and cry. Its a short part. Its not easy to forget. Bring a script if you must.
Its as easy as it sounds. Quit thinking, put down that cosmo article that's telling you women at 38 get young, hot guys just like your Sex and City show and do it. Then you can look at your girlfriends and recoil in shock and horror as they debate, at the age of 29, whether or not their baby's father is romantic enough to marry.
B.E.T. the other night runs a show - a sitcom - and I run across it. A pregnant woman is talking to her boyfriend in the scene - granted, I didn't see the whole show - however, let's examine the scene I did see. She's pregnant and he's asking her to marry him - really asking, sincerely, with a ring AND EVERYTHING. She looks at him and sighs. And then says "Darrel! (or whatever his name was), just because you're wrapped up in the moment, you can't ask me to marry you! (paraphrasing)."
Here is a woman, pregnant, unmarried, about single. Ladies, in 1955 this was grounds for contemplating suicide. Today, its grounds for refusing marriage on a whim. Why does no one explain this anymore? Because Hollywood women with millions of dollars at their disposal hire 4 nannies while they shoot their new film in Maui? Because the stud has a few - marked, a FEW - bucks and it's no big deal because you'll nail him for child support and go shopping for "true" love? Someone who really "gets" you, someone who doesn't have to ask you what you're thinking because you're "connected?"
For those of you that missed 8th grade health class, the baby inside of you comes out and DEMANDS your attention and milk and needs to be burped/changed/fed/nursed/put down/picked-up every 15 seconds, or so it will seem. You will not work (at least not well, if you do work), and you will need MONEY for food, baby supplies (read $$$$), shelter and will need endless amounts of help, encouragement, and support. ALSO, your baby forms bonds and attachments with its father nearly from birth. So sticking DAD on the SHELF and shopping for a replacement or for a new one is pretty much a terrible idea from DAY 1 - that means other kids will grow up healthier and more stable as they have fathers who are there (and screwing up left and right, but there nonetheless).
Not to mention, YOU, honey will be a mess - an understandable mess (hey, kids don't come with instructions stamped on their butt), worrying and running about raising Hell and trying to figure things out. You won't look so hot, you won't feel so hot and you won't have ANY time or ANY money. In short, YOU NEED HIM. And this LUNATIC will stick around and spend his money on you and baby instead of speakers because he loves you - you have to love a woman to put up with her unstable, unending, nagging, pleading, complaining, obsecene anxiety attacks that child rearing causes (again, understadably) - this on top of any faults you already have. He'll be woken up every 2 hours and then at dawn he'll be driven (flee?) from the house to work, work, work for the money to feed baby what baby just spit up. He'll solve problems all day to come home to you demanding he solve problems he couldn't possibly have any idea how to solve ("...the baby won't eat! WHY, DAMMIT, WHY!?!?!?!?").
In short, you and baby are his new Hell. And 30 minutes of happiness here and there will make it all worthwhile for him (pretty cheap babysitter/lover if you ask me). So honey? SHUTUP. SHUT THE HELL UP and say yes when he's on one knee. Then smile and cry. THAT'S YOUR PART. GET IT? He spent all his money on a ring and he's promising to try as hard as he can. Honey, unless your 22, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET A BETTER OFFER IN ALL LIKLIHOOD. TAKE IT. With all due respect, TAKE IT, you dumbass. All the other girls have imperfect men as well and many are DELUDED enough to think they're going to upgrade to a "better" man at the age of 25 27, 29, 32, etc. THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS. Kind of suck? Not the fairytale? Not what you expected? Welcome to Reality. Want to be stuck in single parent purgatory? Want to shop for men with someone else's baby at home (yes, it belongs to both of you, but that doesn't matter, the baby won't belong to the new guy, whoever he is, and new guy wants to start with a fresh slate, No, he doesn't owe it to you to deal with a baby he didn't make)?
Now chances are YOUR MOTHER, if she's not a train-wreck too, knows all this. And she's pleading with you to be sensible and think about your baby, think about the future and for chrissake HAVE A LITTLE FAITH, cuz guess what? YOUR DAD WAS PROBABLY JUST LIKE THE DUFUS YOU CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE STUCK WITH. Only not quite so bad, as back in the day men were prepared and they walked around like they were supposed to take care of things and make command decisions because THAT'S HOW THEIR FATHER'S RAISED THEM. But since the new-age, neo-liberal God-replacements took over, men are dazed and confused and the women are frustrated and working at developing careers to support THEIR MEN.
Do yourself a favor. Get a good guy and cook something for him to eat. Have sex with him and don't complain. He'll give baby and you all his money, and give you breaks to go out and teach your daughter or son what a man is supposed to do: take care of his family. He'll fix things mechanical and teach your kids that mom's birthdy is A VERY BIG DEAL. He's trying to help you and do right by you. LET HIM. Help him help you. He wants to. And for chissake, don't argue with him when he's on that damn single knee of his. The floor is hard and it hurts his kneecap. That knee is for you and baby and trust me sister, it don't go down very often. Just smile and cry. Its a short part. Its not easy to forget. Bring a script if you must.
Its as easy as it sounds. Quit thinking, put down that cosmo article that's telling you women at 38 get young, hot guys just like your Sex and City show and do it. Then you can look at your girlfriends and recoil in shock and horror as they debate, at the age of 29, whether or not their baby's father is romantic enough to marry.
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